Halo: Reach
HALO must REACH fire island(A.K.A freaking jet packs') '''is the latest game in the Halo series. It is also the last and then Halo will be given to Microsoft so they can throw it into a basement and anal rape it (AKA: Halo Legends). It takes place on the planet Reach where you are attempting to keep the Covenant from messing up this shit. You are a SPARTAN-III (for those who don't know, it is essentially the SPARTAN II project's retarded little brother) and you have to fight through a bunch of enemies with your team of dumb-asses until the last level which you will get probably get your ass glassed by pimps like R'tas 'Vadum and the testicle chins For some reason there is a bunch of awesome technology that you have never seen before like a carbine that fires needles and a single-shot human rifle destined to become the new MLG head shot weapon that everyone noobs will bitch about. A new race appears on the side of the Covenant . The bastards look like the f*cked up offspring between Jackals and raptors. They use the commonplace and very shitty plasma pistols but don't spend their lives hiding behind shields like their pussy cousins. The wort wort wort asses return again with more wort wort wort than ever before!!!!! It even includes new things like the legendary Grunt penis. Oh, and now dinosaurs are available as enemies. Your Dumbass Team Your team is of course filled with stereotypical game soldiers. Their roles...and Deaths.... Carter- The Boss. He doesn't have to deal with roles of the team. Just to get the job done. As with all sergeants in every form of media ever, he will probably die on some far-off battlefield. Commited Suicide by Ramming his Pelican into a Giant Walker, killing him, Noble 7 and 8 Kat - The only girl on the Noble Team. She had an explosion that lost her arm in a firefight. In other words, she has a THING for being the alternative boss of the team. Shot in the face like a Bitch. Jun - The Sniper. He's not much of a talkative person, though. --Relate to yourself-- but also the skilled sniper of the Noble team. And just be clear: he has a scout helmet on if you're wondering of Recon...Ran off from NT like a Bitch, he was last heard at Micdonalds under the name "June" Jorge - The Heavy Weapons Operator. It's important to mention he used to be in the same league as Master Chief. He's very similar to chief but the of him is that he LOVES taking down Elites with brute force or freaking interrogation Talking with little Girls telling them it will be alright, and taking them into a Quiet...locked Room...The usual for Noble Team. Killed himself in Space....with a bomb..... Emile - Designated Nigger Black Guy. A hard-headed comapion Stupid Retard, who thinks hes better then Everyone. (Not important in ways unexplainable) Stabbed in the back like a Dumbass (Obviously, he didn't look at his Radar) You - Noble Sex is your current name. Little is known for him. except that he died by getting Stabbed in the Face, Like a bitch/asshole (Depending on your Gender, but if you chosed Female, then you should be IN THE KITCHEN, MAKING ME A SAMMICH!) --Looking into further research-- RLL Development ''"USE BOMBS WISELY" - Peppy to Noble Sex Bungie keep claiming they've been working on this since they finished Halo 3. The fact they only started showing us content since a few months ago is a... coincidence......... If I claim otherwise I fear I may become victim of the Bungie slingshot apocalypse. The engine of the game will be the same as the first hoola hoop game. It includes new little dinosaurs in gameplay , and probably some form of AIDS will be there too. Monkeys will also be in the fight, but as troops and not as shitty shit throwing leaders. In SSSSE3 (Stupidly Stubbly Shitty Shit Event 3, the other 2 were unknown, rumors have it, anyone who attended were raped) , we viewed a shitty Campaign portion. It was obvious that Bungie had finally developed the death of Halo with: A very shitty rip-off of Starfox!, IT IS ORIGINAL! but in the end of Really Long Boring Campaign IGN and every reviewer gave the game a 10.666, because they were raped by M$, blind by Truth and Logic, Testical Chin of Truths shot Bungie Employee Marcus LEEEEEEETOAD 3 times Marcum's death was announced 1, 1, 2554, 546 years after his death, the Docters didn't know what the hell happened Multiplayer Anyone who thinks that reach is like MW2 should be reminded that they suck massive Grunty Balls. Arm0r abilities replace equipment and load outs only occur in very specific modes. Now returning to Multiplayer, Blood Gulch, being remade for the 3rd time now....except in a big shittier map Called FARGE WARLD, featuring a Hidden MOAR Krabs on the map, who displays messages in the sky, as he says Moar, all objects fall into Pieces. Multiplorer is the saem as Halo 3, without Grunts, but many of the players are too High to even realize that without there Grunt Rapists Leaders, they are Souless. Other crappy games Include -Headfucker -Stockcum -Capture the Homo (Covered in Butter) -Firefight (endless waves of bored Grunts) -1337 Slayer and many, MANY other Gametypes you don't give two shits about. Most of multiplayer consists of Full-Grown men who payed 160$ for a Flaming Helmet, making them Sniper fodder, but you do get to look like a Badass Retard in the process, Most n00bs thing they are saucesom with the Flaming helmet and proceed to Tea-bagging you, when you kill one, Tea-bag them (You mad?) most people with flaming helmets are invincible, providing balance to the game. 'Multiplayer BETA' The multiplayer BETA sucked. that is all. Firefight It was confirmed In E3 that the shitty game mode known as FIREFIGHT will return. It is odd that The Covenant will waste THOUSANDS of soldiers trying to kill up to 4 worthless Spartan III's. (Still not sending as much against Master Chief. Still a Conspiracy) It will serve no purpose what so ever, and people will stop playing It after a week. At C0m1c C4wn, it was announced noobs could play as the covenant and betray them (aka a complete ripoff from left 4 dead). Also, you can use the overpowered new forklift as a vehicle, and it will probably break the game. Also, if you suck at hula hoop games (which you do), noobs can make themselves invincible with custom firefight options. This is the stupidest thing sice whoretana. Even though Bungie says they want to make firefight more open, they probably just want to give Microsoft a head start with them shoving the series up their vagina.